So as is the custom in some homes over the Christmas period the family breaks out a board game or a deck of cards to play some games, keep each other busy and just have fun.

Last year we were to play a game of Rummy with a beautiful deck of antique cards.
The wine was poured, we sat next to the glorious tree, the lighting was just right!

But my insides were not, I was fighting this happening with all I had. I had spent the last ten minutes groaning (in a whisper, as you do at Christmas time) about how I hated playing cards etc

I had never played rummy before, so the rules were briefly explained before the game began.
It was a bit slow at first because two out of four of us were playing it for the first time, but we started to get into it.

As we went on, it became fun. I managed to finish second in the first game ,  the other newbie dropped out as we shuffled the deck for another game. ( I was last in the subsequent games we played..realising that no I actually didn't get the game and the other time was maybe just luck..?)

I realised that it was the fear of not knowing how the game is played, and failing at the game that was scary. I didn't in fact hate playing card games, I just didn't want to suck.

This is what is missing on a daily basis in my life..maybe yours? We are constantly looking for ways in which we can gain approval. (Social media! Again, I love it..and hate it at the same time!)

Failing at a simple card game...feels more painful than it should. I imagined what it is like to play that game everyday and fail/ lose all the would simply buck up and get better. Sometimes that is not what we are learning in our newly digitalised lives. 
To gain more attention we do  / post more ridiculous, beautiful or outrageous content online and if we are criticised one bit, then they are 'Haters'.

Stop right there.

You can only get better if you find out why are you not good. What does that sound like sometimes? Like 'Hating'

So, lets get back to the root of things, maybe I should play rummy everyday, feel what it is like to fail if I lose..and then fight to get better. Will this spill over into other areas of my life?

I hope so.


Do you remember how the last song of Sister Act 2 made you feel? 

The goose bumps, the joy, the tears!


Was it Lauryn Hill's amazing vocals? Or her baggy jeans? (She wore the heck out of those!)

Or the lady doing sign language in the back ground?

Was it the fact that they were being themselves, their authentic selves and being glorious at it?

That it spoke to you and how you want to break out and rock something so boldly and greatly just as you are?

That you want to be accepted as you are?

Me too my friend, me too.

Remember when they are asked to take off their robes (Read here, what they had to wear to be accepted in the competition, to be seen as worthy) and they come on stage in their dungarees, kente shirt (ha!) , base ball caps to the back , saggy pants, doc martins...and they win. THEY WIN!!

This is what makes me tear up every time....yes they sing the heck out of the song..but mostly just as they are, inner city kids, that were abandoned/rejected for who they were, but laying within them was this immeasurable talent, that garnered a standing ovation.

Take off the robes my friend, we'd love to see the authentic you, and give you a standing ovation!


The most read blog post on this blog is 

'When friendship becomes too much '  read it here or tweet it

We struggle in relationships, whether in the workplace, or at home.
You usually don't get to choose who your family or work colleagues are ...but your friends..its all on you.

You pick them, you gravitate towards them, you allow them into your life, into your heart, and when they hurt it you, you call yourself a fool for being vulnerable again, for letting them in time after time.

But  why do you keep going back? 

Most times its a shared experience.. most times its because they believe what we believe.
You may have that one friend that you have known for years, is basically an a - hole... but he is still your buddy because...he believes what you believe and you know this..and you trust this.

So maybe we should ask ourselves as we weigh our friendships, before I walk away..

Do I still believe what  I believed when I became friends with this person?

 Or do they believe what we both believed when we became friends? Do we still trust each other?

Then adjust accordingly. 


Sitting at a dinner table, long after the dinner has been cleared, the lighting is low, the wine still flows, the laughter is in abundance. 

You stare at their faces, your heart feels so glad, you are at ease.
Dinner with friends. Dinner with funny friends, dinner with funny friends you have known since you were wee high, friends you wish you saw more often.

What is so special about this moment? 
Of course the Bordeaux is divine, yes the duck was moist and the chilly sauce accompanied it like a dream, desert was a delicacy.....
   ........but most importantly it was the connection.

The connection you have with these people, connection at this point which has nothing to do with technology, nothing to do with how much each of you is earning, or who had the best selfie that day.

This is about the essence of who you guys really are, where you are at the moment in your lives, and the fact that you are accepted as you are.

Don't make these times few and in between.... 

' We need to do this more often..'   one of you probably chimes.....

Don't talk about it, be about it. 
Connect, more often, more openly, and more authentically. - tweet this!

How dare you compare the amazing work of art that you are to someone else. tweet this

How dare you belittle the talent you have, compare it with someone else's, just because they have a little more exposure, a few more likes, a few more followers.

How dare you insult the creator by demeaning that which he has deemed worthy of life , worthy of breathe, worthy of happiness.

How dare you look down on yourself and expect others to give you a stamp of approval when you wont even approve of yourself. 

How dare you!

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